Burning Beneath

There are moments when feelings feel undeniable, vivid, convincing, almost absolute.

And yet, not everything that feels real is rooted in reality.

I’ve come to understand that the mind, when tired, lonely, or seeking relief, can quietly rearrange perception. It doesn’t lie loudly. It whispers. It fills gaps. It creates meaning where there is absence. And if left unexamined, it can turn longing into certainty and closeness into illusion.

What I felt was not a betrayal of my values, it was a signal from my mental state.

Loneliness sharpened attention.

Familiarity softened boundaries.

Consistency created comfort.

And slowly, without intention, the mind began to suggest a story.

Not because it was true,

but because it was soothing.

Through self-reflection, I started noticing the pattern. The way my thoughts leaned forward. The way absence felt heavier than it should. The way my body reacted before my reasoning caught up. That awareness didn’t arrive as judgment. It arrived as recognition.

This is when self-healing becomes an act of responsibility.

Instead of feeding the illusion, I turned inward. I asked what part of me was reaching. What need was being projected. What silence I was trying to fill. The answer wasn’t about another person, it was about my own unmet desire for connection, safety, and belonging.

The most important moment was not when the feeling appeared.

It was when I woke up inside it.

Waking up doesn’t mean the feeling disappears instantly. It means the spell breaks. The mind loosens its grip. Choice returns. And with it, the ability to act in alignment rather than impulse.

I chose to pause.

I chose to step back.

I chose to protect my inner balance rather than chase emotional relief.

This wasn’t suppression.

It was clarity.

There is power in catching yourself before the mind completes the story. In recognizing that not every emotional surge needs to be honored as truth. Some need to be observed, understood, and gently released.

Healing, I’m learning, isn’t about never feeling,

it’s about knowing when a feeling belongs to you

and when it belongs to a moment your mind is trying to escape.

And waking up in time is its own kind of grace.