Burning Beneath

It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling with depression for a few years now, but it still amazes me how much something as simple as sunlight—or the lack of it—can deeply affect my mood and energy.

I’ve done all the “right” things: seen doctors, done bloodwork, adjusted medications. After a recent psych evaluation, my antidepressant dose was increased from 10 mg to the max 20 mg. And yet, here I am—still feeling the weight of depression and anxiety returning stronger than ever.

It makes me wonder: why do we rely so heavily on medication to “fix” depression? These meds don’t heal the root cause; they just tweak our brain chemistry to simulate better moods. After being on this medication for years, my body seems to have built a tolerance. The effects have dulled, and I’m back to square one. That alone tells me this isn’t the real solution.

I truly believe depression—and mental health struggles in general—are signals. They’re red flags from our body and soul, pointing us to something deeper that’s wrong in our lives. If we listen closely, maybe we can start to uncover the real cause and work toward true healing.

I know this path isn’t easy—it’s probably one of the hardest things a person can do. It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of emotional energy. But in the end, I believe it’s worth it.

On top of it all, the financial burden is real. Even with private insurance, the cost of all these medications adds up. I’m currently taking four in the morning and six at night—that’s a lot, both physically and financially. It feels like a trap: the more you take, the more you seem to need.

I’m preparing myself for pushback from my psychiatrist. They often lean toward pills as the main solution. But I want to try something different. I want to find real answers.

So wish me luck. I’m going to try.