Burning Beneath

Mood swings are strange, unpredictable things. One moment, I’m on top of the world, almost skipping instead of walking, my feet barely touching the ground, and then—just like that—something shifts. The weight returns, the energy drains, and I feel… bleh. And the most frustrating part? Sometimes it’s not even the next day. A single word, a passing comment, a sudden thought can send me spiraling into a completely different emotional state.

I know this is perimenopause, the infamous transition before menopause when hormones fluctuate wildly, throwing emotions into chaos. I understand the science—how estrogen and progesterone levels rise and fall unpredictably, affecting serotonin and dopamine, the very chemicals that regulate mood and well-being. I get that the body is adjusting, shifting gears, preparing for another phase. But the bigger question remains: why?

Why must we endure this? As women, haven’t we already been through enough? From the monthly war of PMS to the unimaginable pain of childbirth, from the pressure of societal expectations to the relentless demands of life itself—wasn’t that enough? Why does aging have to come with yet another layer of struggle?

Some say it’s a natural evolution, that hormonal shifts force us to slow down, reflect, and realign with ourselves. Others claim it’s part of the biological process of aging, a recalibration of the body’s systems as fertility declines. But deep down, I can’t help but wonder—was this really necessary? Or is it just another chapter in the long book of trials women have to endure? Another reason for society to make sarcastic remarks, for the world to dismiss our emotions as “hormonal,” as if that somehow invalidates our feelings?

But here’s the thing—I’m not done yet. Not dry, not finished, not fading away into the background. I refuse to let this transition define me or shrink me. I am strong, vibrant, powerful, a force of nature, and I intend to stay that way until the very last drop of my life. If my body wants to shift, fine. If my emotions want to play tricks on me, let them. But I will not be reduced by this.

Instead, I will own this change. I will embrace every phase of my existence, not as something to suffer through but as something to experience fully. Because at the core of it all, I am still me—a woman, unstoppable, unbreakable, and alive.