Burning Beneath

So many of us move through life carrying the weight of our past—the childhood wounds, the unspoken pains, the experiences that etched deep scars into our souls. We push forward, believing that if we ignore them long enough, they will disappear. But when the time comes to finally confront these burdens, we often find ourselves lost, unsure of where to begin.

For most of my life, I suppressed my shadows. I imagined myself carrying a bag on my back, tossing every painful experience into it, sealing it away, and moving on. I never processed, never named, never acknowledged. I believed that as long as I didn’t look inside, I wouldn’t have to deal with what was there.

But time has a way of catching up. My body, my mind—everything broke. Stress consumed me, forcing me to stop. And in that stillness, I realized that the only way forward was to finally unpack the weight I had carried for so long.

The journey wasn’t easy. It began with remembering, with allowing myself to sit with the pain I had long buried. I had to name my wounds for what they truly were—abuse, abandonment, shame, sadness. No sugarcoating, no minimizing. Just raw truth. Because only by acknowledging them as they were could I begin to neutralize their grip on me.

And so, one by one, I faced them. I allowed myself to feel, to grieve, to accept. And with each piece I processed, I reclaimed a part of myself.

Now, at 51, I find myself living with a peace I never thought possible. The memories may still surface, but they no longer hold me hostage. They appear, I acknowledge them, and they pass—without pain, without power over me. Healing, I’ve learned, is not about erasing the past but about making peace with it.

The most profound part of this journey, however, was learning to love myself. To honor the strength of the person I once was, the one who endured, who carried on despite everything. Without her resilience, I wouldn’t be here today.

So to my younger self—thank you. Thank you for your strength, your endurance, your survival. Because of you, I now stand in peace, unburdened, free.